If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
