You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
