I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
