Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
