if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
