Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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