Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
