Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
