Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
