today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
