i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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