I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
