3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if i can run in heels then i can drive
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
