dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
