So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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