I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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