Sry I called you an 8
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
