At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
