I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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