DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
