I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
