she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
