She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
