I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
