So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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