I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
