Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
