So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
