This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
