You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I am spending my child support on dildos
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
