But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
