Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
