Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
