oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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