Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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