I cannot find my penis.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
