He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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