After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
