So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
