i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Mom said you looked used
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
