shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
