I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I forget how to act sober
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
