Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
