she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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