just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
