I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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