also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ketchup is God's man juice
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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