Someone shit on the floor
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
