If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
