Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i need some magic done to my vagina
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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